Ohhh geez, as always you speak my language. All of them. From Journey to Jones to that junior high gym. I’m only a few years behind you.
I’m absolutely in this place right now. But I am the control freak about it. Since I am not yet *There,* I race around trying to prevent and plan against the occurrence of all the horrible ways things could go sideways. I scramble to prevent the worst possible futures, and make battle plans just in case they come down the pipe. Then I can quickly pull the trigger and blow the pre-laid charges with calm and determination, instead of freaking out because I don’t know what to do. I mean, the plans WILL have monkey wrenches already--duh, I’m still breathing. So having thought through options for as many scenarios as possible gives me a wider range of solutions and stronger problem solving muscles for when I need to dance on the fly.
And if the good stuff comes instead? Well, cool. This is the only thing I’ve found that gets me able to actually LIVE in this in between moment of not knowing. Ticking the boxes and laying out fire escape plans, running drills, and after that...
Chill. Play. Relax. Enjoy what I can. And enjoy the work of that curiosity and exploration you’re talking about. Because Anxious Monkey Brain has been calmed and thrown its puzzle to solve in the background, leaving me to be Curious George in the driver’s seat. 🙈🙉🙊
Of course, I was also that Weirdo who danced my soul out on an empty gym floor because I had one weirdo friend to do it with me--to stand together against the gale of everybody gawking and ridiculing (but a bunch of them secretly wishing they had the guts to dance with us).
I was also that Intrepid Idjit who asked boys to dance--sometimes ignorantly in written girlie scrawls, which got my lurve-letters posted for the whole school to ridicule. And yes. It felt like Death every time. Good thing I’m highly feline. Hmmmm...maybe this is why I write about living half my life in the Underworld with Haides & Persephone. 🤣☠️🌸🤪
I love that you dance the In Between now. You always remind me to set down the graphs, charts, spreadsheets, cauldrons of boiling oil, catapult stones and dynamite fuses to just...
DANCE.
All it takes is one brave friend to go out on that empty gym floor with you. Thank you for requesting the tunes of our age from the DJ, and braving this Dance.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on being in a similar place of in-betweenness as well as having also grown up in the big hair and lip gloss days. 😉 I hear both the Anxious Monkey Brain and I also hear the Chill, Play, Relax Body of yours. Being and remaining curious about the what's next and the unknown is a daily practice, isn't it? It sounds like we're both attracted to fire (your mention of cauldrons and catapult stones resonated with me), but it's adding in all the other elements to the dance that helps to make living in the moment more harmonious and also when I'm future-tripping. Having read a lot of your words, I know you've danced with the elements a lot. Brave on with your dance, Alexx. 💙
Oh, gosh, it's been really fun (excruciatingly hilarious) to revisit the roll on lip gloss and Aqua Net for my NaNo adventure! It is sooooo a daily practice. Um...sometimes hourly. Oh, yes. I'm a Fire Sign in Western Astrology. Thankfully I'm a Water Sign in Eastern. Oh, I hadn't realized you were Tinkering around over in the Elements posts, too! Purrrrrrr...yeah, reason #582 why I love your writing. 💖
Oh Jesus jones... oh honey I feel you in those spaces.... and it feels like I’m waiting and watching to see what is the next right thing in certain aspects of my life ... and tending the cosmic grief as best I can ... 🦉
Ohhh geez, as always you speak my language. All of them. From Journey to Jones to that junior high gym. I’m only a few years behind you.
I’m absolutely in this place right now. But I am the control freak about it. Since I am not yet *There,* I race around trying to prevent and plan against the occurrence of all the horrible ways things could go sideways. I scramble to prevent the worst possible futures, and make battle plans just in case they come down the pipe. Then I can quickly pull the trigger and blow the pre-laid charges with calm and determination, instead of freaking out because I don’t know what to do. I mean, the plans WILL have monkey wrenches already--duh, I’m still breathing. So having thought through options for as many scenarios as possible gives me a wider range of solutions and stronger problem solving muscles for when I need to dance on the fly.
And if the good stuff comes instead? Well, cool. This is the only thing I’ve found that gets me able to actually LIVE in this in between moment of not knowing. Ticking the boxes and laying out fire escape plans, running drills, and after that...
Chill. Play. Relax. Enjoy what I can. And enjoy the work of that curiosity and exploration you’re talking about. Because Anxious Monkey Brain has been calmed and thrown its puzzle to solve in the background, leaving me to be Curious George in the driver’s seat. 🙈🙉🙊
Of course, I was also that Weirdo who danced my soul out on an empty gym floor because I had one weirdo friend to do it with me--to stand together against the gale of everybody gawking and ridiculing (but a bunch of them secretly wishing they had the guts to dance with us).
I was also that Intrepid Idjit who asked boys to dance--sometimes ignorantly in written girlie scrawls, which got my lurve-letters posted for the whole school to ridicule. And yes. It felt like Death every time. Good thing I’m highly feline. Hmmmm...maybe this is why I write about living half my life in the Underworld with Haides & Persephone. 🤣☠️🌸🤪
I love that you dance the In Between now. You always remind me to set down the graphs, charts, spreadsheets, cauldrons of boiling oil, catapult stones and dynamite fuses to just...
DANCE.
All it takes is one brave friend to go out on that empty gym floor with you. Thank you for requesting the tunes of our age from the DJ, and braving this Dance.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on being in a similar place of in-betweenness as well as having also grown up in the big hair and lip gloss days. 😉 I hear both the Anxious Monkey Brain and I also hear the Chill, Play, Relax Body of yours. Being and remaining curious about the what's next and the unknown is a daily practice, isn't it? It sounds like we're both attracted to fire (your mention of cauldrons and catapult stones resonated with me), but it's adding in all the other elements to the dance that helps to make living in the moment more harmonious and also when I'm future-tripping. Having read a lot of your words, I know you've danced with the elements a lot. Brave on with your dance, Alexx. 💙
Oh, gosh, it's been really fun (excruciatingly hilarious) to revisit the roll on lip gloss and Aqua Net for my NaNo adventure! It is sooooo a daily practice. Um...sometimes hourly. Oh, yes. I'm a Fire Sign in Western Astrology. Thankfully I'm a Water Sign in Eastern. Oh, I hadn't realized you were Tinkering around over in the Elements posts, too! Purrrrrrr...yeah, reason #582 why I love your writing. 💖
The liminal space… I know it well.
It is a dance that feels like two steps forward, one step back. Funny tho’ if you add a couple extra steps it can become the cha cha cha🤗
Extra steps become the cha cha cha. Love this and love you, friend. 💙
Oh Jesus jones... oh honey I feel you in those spaces.... and it feels like I’m waiting and watching to see what is the next right thing in certain aspects of my life ... and tending the cosmic grief as best I can ... 🦉