I watched and read your post for the better part of an hour, maybe more. It brought questions and memories and moments of quiet contemplation after I stopped. Then I found myself wondering whether you were falling even deeper into the loss of yourself in these past years. I began to feel worried about where this path of discovering your "unraveled" self was taking you. Thankfully, I remembered this video was made quite a while ago when you had fallen deeper into despair, finding the darkness almost safer than the light. But now, I believe you have found a brighter, if not lighter, way to honor yourselves by bringing curiosity and awe into creating something new. I was relieved by my recollection and encouraged by the idea that your new self is emerging, yet not to the exclusion of your previous self. Together, they are being rewoven into a beautiful new life experience, no longer continuing to unravel. xo
Thank you for taking the time to see me and read my words. Both the dark and the light exist so that one can be distinguished from the other. Part of this unraveled self is I am now more comfortable with the darker shades of life in my own lived experiences and in others'. No need to worry. My being is tilting toward the sun again. And yes, curiosity and awe are present in creating anew as well as a deep appreciation and reverence for grief and all it has taught me. I love you, Mom. xo
Thank you for this post! I had to do it in 2 - first the deeply moving video. Then a lot of journaling. Then later, the post. In answer to your questions - my heart is very bitter and angry right now because of those things you just mentioned. I'm going through another round of people being incapable of being near me during this onslaught time unless I plaster on a fake smile and lie when they ask me, "What have you been doing since *DATE?*" Incapable is hard enough, and I totally get it, but some of them need to swat me on the nose for daring to speak about my experience and my grief, so that's how my heart is doing. Pausing grief work for stringent boundary and self-defense work. As for when, there are too many to list, and what I do to tend? All the things. Journal, cry, dance, punching bag, woods walks, humor, meditation, art, writing, sleep, read... Every once in awhile I get to connect with people who help, rather than harm or simply sprint. And that is true bliss.
Thank you for your thoughtful and heart-filled reply, Alexx. Thank you for speaking what is real and true for you. I'm sorry to hear you are not feeling fully seen and heard by those whom you wish would 'get' you and really 'be with' you. I see you and hear you. I've read some of your recent posts...life is really hard right now. It's been hard for a long time since the accident that utterly changed your life. All the things you've listed that you do to tend to your own healing and wellbeing are beautiful medicines. Every single one of them are part of my own medicine as well (except for the punching bag - I throw rocks and bang sticks together instead 😉). Keep on keeping on, Alexx. ♥️
🥰🥰🥰 Thank you, my dance Muse. The medicine you’ve shared with us always helps ground and inspire me. I’ve never gotten to physically dance with you but there are many kinds of dances. This last one in particular…it’s still with me. I’m still having a hard time putting it into words. 🥰 It had a similar kind of impact as eye gazing with a stranger. Just sitting with you…watching you BE with it. I will remember that for ages. I lose memories left and right, but visual and visceral images like this one make lasting impressions. Looking forward to witnessing your next round of butterfly wings!
Rocks and sticks? Because sometimes my spine can’t handle the bag. 🧐🤩
Lila- This shell-rock arrangement, the depth of this piece, the thoughtful openness--I appreciate all of this this morning. Hope you're well this week? Cheers, -Thalia
I watched and read your post for the better part of an hour, maybe more. It brought questions and memories and moments of quiet contemplation after I stopped. Then I found myself wondering whether you were falling even deeper into the loss of yourself in these past years. I began to feel worried about where this path of discovering your "unraveled" self was taking you. Thankfully, I remembered this video was made quite a while ago when you had fallen deeper into despair, finding the darkness almost safer than the light. But now, I believe you have found a brighter, if not lighter, way to honor yourselves by bringing curiosity and awe into creating something new. I was relieved by my recollection and encouraged by the idea that your new self is emerging, yet not to the exclusion of your previous self. Together, they are being rewoven into a beautiful new life experience, no longer continuing to unravel. xo
Thank you for taking the time to see me and read my words. Both the dark and the light exist so that one can be distinguished from the other. Part of this unraveled self is I am now more comfortable with the darker shades of life in my own lived experiences and in others'. No need to worry. My being is tilting toward the sun again. And yes, curiosity and awe are present in creating anew as well as a deep appreciation and reverence for grief and all it has taught me. I love you, Mom. xo
Thank you for this post! I had to do it in 2 - first the deeply moving video. Then a lot of journaling. Then later, the post. In answer to your questions - my heart is very bitter and angry right now because of those things you just mentioned. I'm going through another round of people being incapable of being near me during this onslaught time unless I plaster on a fake smile and lie when they ask me, "What have you been doing since *DATE?*" Incapable is hard enough, and I totally get it, but some of them need to swat me on the nose for daring to speak about my experience and my grief, so that's how my heart is doing. Pausing grief work for stringent boundary and self-defense work. As for when, there are too many to list, and what I do to tend? All the things. Journal, cry, dance, punching bag, woods walks, humor, meditation, art, writing, sleep, read... Every once in awhile I get to connect with people who help, rather than harm or simply sprint. And that is true bliss.
Thank you for your thoughtful and heart-filled reply, Alexx. Thank you for speaking what is real and true for you. I'm sorry to hear you are not feeling fully seen and heard by those whom you wish would 'get' you and really 'be with' you. I see you and hear you. I've read some of your recent posts...life is really hard right now. It's been hard for a long time since the accident that utterly changed your life. All the things you've listed that you do to tend to your own healing and wellbeing are beautiful medicines. Every single one of them are part of my own medicine as well (except for the punching bag - I throw rocks and bang sticks together instead 😉). Keep on keeping on, Alexx. ♥️
🥰🥰🥰 Thank you, my dance Muse. The medicine you’ve shared with us always helps ground and inspire me. I’ve never gotten to physically dance with you but there are many kinds of dances. This last one in particular…it’s still with me. I’m still having a hard time putting it into words. 🥰 It had a similar kind of impact as eye gazing with a stranger. Just sitting with you…watching you BE with it. I will remember that for ages. I lose memories left and right, but visual and visceral images like this one make lasting impressions. Looking forward to witnessing your next round of butterfly wings!
Rocks and sticks? Because sometimes my spine can’t handle the bag. 🧐🤩
Lila- This shell-rock arrangement, the depth of this piece, the thoughtful openness--I appreciate all of this this morning. Hope you're well this week? Cheers, -Thalia